On the Illusion of Need

In Communion with God, Neal Donald Walsch lays out some basic illusions that yield simple truths about ourselves. I’ve resisted joining Freak on the Neale Donald Walsch bandwagon for over a year now, and I’m still on the biggest fan. But some of what he writes really makes sense like this:

“Happiness is not created as a result of certain conditions, certain conditions are created as a result of happiness.”

Upon reading this, it hit me how deeply held this illusion is for me. I have conditioned my happiness so much on illusory needs: I’ll be happy when I get an A, I’ll be happy when I graduate, I’ll be happy if I get a boyfriend, I’ll be happy in that suit, I’ll be happy on this trip, I’ll be happy when I get a dog, I’ll be happy out west, I’ll be happy if he says X, I’ll be happy if I eat that, I’ll be happy once I weigh X pounds, I’ll be happy if I get this gift, I’ll be happy if I get more friends, I’ll be happy if . . . .

The idea that I needed something, needed to discover something, be somewhere, be with someone to be happy has pervaded my thinking my whole life. Happiness is a state of mind, a choice. And yet, I get so hung up on need. I think I need something to balance out my life, need something in order to get back on track, need something from someone in order to feel whole. It is this last one that has been a real challenge lately.

It’s relatively easy to know that I don’t need new clothes, hair goo, magazines, bubble bath, and chocolate to be happy. But sometimes it’s hard not to link my happiness to someone else’s actions. Which always ends up falling short and leaving me disappointed. For example, Freak is incredibly romantic—bringing me flowers from time to time, leaving me little notes, giving me incredible back rubs etc. But if it doesn’t match what I’ve built up in my head, the movie that I’ve played a thousand times creating a script for him, then I’m disappointed.

I see now, in the hours, and days, when things are clicking for me, and I’m shining and upbeat how my happiness is contagious, how it leads to more and more good things. I see the power in releasing illusions, one by one. I truly am the divine, as are we all, and I want to share that with the world more often. And I want to allow myself to see the world in that interconnected way too, to take more responsibility for my own happiness—from within, and not from without.

Comments

[Ian Smith]

I found you via my pedantic posts on the Ishmael group by the way.

My unsolicited response to seeking happiness is: "Happiness is a state." It isn't so much an emotion as a decision of acceptance and perspective.

The Illusion of Need is a major driving force in a society that defines identity through consumerism. Even if we don't believe it or are cognitively aware of it, we hear that all the time. The power of stories is very strong.

[wavybrains]

Your comment: My unsolicited response to seeking happiness is: "Happiness is a state." It isn't so much an emotion as a decision of acceptance and perspective.

This is SO true. I have recently, through the journey I have been on of self-discovery, come to understand this in a whole new light. It is not what I have, or what I lack, but what I choose to believe about the situation.

I think the illusion of need has reached epidemic proportions. Adbusters, www.adbusters.org and others do an excellent job dissecting ads and showing how they distort this. We are taught to believe that we can not be happy the way we are. That we must remove any imperfections first. And so we consume instead of connecting, postponing connection until we are "perfect."

The meme of most advertising is even more potent because it also promotes immediate gratification. The story is that we are unhappy right now, and we will be unhappy until we get X, and if we buy their product we can get X TODAY. Savings accounts, canning jars, pencil and paper, board games are not "sexy" products because they can't sell this story. They are still in stores, but where are their commericals, their billboards?

Bravo to the slow movement! Slow food, slow cities, slow learning--we can and must reverse this trend and put forth a new meme!

[Ian smith]

>And so we consume instead of connecting, postponing connection until we are "perfect."

I just spoke about that in my cuddle party reply! There is a special kind of joy when you go through life being the sane one in an insane world, or insane in a sane world and you can't figure out which; then one day you find others who speak the same insanity and praise it as the highest truth.

The anti-advertising meme is simple: retire in 2 years, regardless of job, income, etc. Anyone can do it, many can do it in a single year.

[wavybrains]

"The anti-advertising meme is simple: retire in 2 years, regardless of job, income, etc. Anyone can do it, many can do it in a single year."

I love this point. I have this book called the automatic millionare. It sounds really sexy, like get rich tommorrow, but it's really all about the little choices we make--forgoing the lattes, putting money away, an extra mortgage payment a year, planning for retirement.

And the added bonus to this meme is its link to connection--without all the *stuff* we are drawn to each other, to the simple pleasures in life, to talking instead of comparing gadgets, to connecting with our community and creating new community.