Life is a Banquet

She works hard for the money

The groundhog saw its shadow on Friday--three more weeks of cast and non-driving and more rehab in store.  Nov. 13 will mark two months of this home imprisonment.  Blah.

The two month mark also marks another anniversary---my last paycheck.  I've sold a few articles in the interim, but these checks have not seen an ink pen yet, let alone my bank account.  I'm strangely okay with this forced poverty--my writing is going really good and I'm reluctant to add additional obligations or take on a roommate again.  On Friday, I mailed off several resumes looking for adjunct instructor positions for the spring.  While I want to get back in the classroom, I have no intention of taking on so many classes again.

Everything I read about writing fiction says not to quit your "day job" too soon---or even at all.  Something like 15% of writers make a living at it.  This is in contrast to the 95% of my graduating law class making a comfortable living doing law--a few solo practitioners like the brave ABV making a go of it, a number of stay-at-home parents taking time off, a few who got bested by the bar exam beast, and me. I'm determined to be part of the 15%. Absolutely committed. BUT I still struggle with the recurring issue of choosing this life of teaching and writing, maybe a little contract legal work here and there, of choosing to live without predictable income. 

I can't think in terms of facing down years of this, of the long-term ramifications of these choices. Freak put it best, "I understand why writers always dedicate the book to their spouse or their parents." In simple financial terms, the whole family (assuming your last name is not Trump or Bush) makes the vow of poverty with you, gives up comfort for creativity.  Still though, and this is perhaps what I feel the most guilty about--I don't feel bad about this anymore. I don't WANT this to be any other way right now. I really don't MIND how stretched the budget is.  (I do write fiction after all, which gives me the unique ability to look at the numbers as flexible rather than finite). My new goal is not to earn more money, but to stop feeling so darn guilty for my choices.   

It's probably a symptom of our modern predicament that being selfish feels so darn good.  What are you selfish about?  Have you set aside the guilt? 

Wisdom II

Law Three: The law of an old(er) house:  If your furnace won't start, and you try EVERYTHING to make it start and it still won't go, and you call the repair guy, and he asks, "Is there oil in the tank," and you say "yes," you better really mean yes.  Because otherwise, the price of your repair (because oh yes, it still needs a repair) just doubled.  If you merely THINK there is oil, there is not.

    Corollary to Law Three: If there is no heat, the cats will rename your WIP EeeeEEeeeEEee.doc and manage to change every setting on your laptop while napping on your keyboard. 

Law Four: The law of revision. If a page took you X amount of time to right it will take you 10 times X to revise it.  This law is absolute.  If you are absolutely, positively, certain that your character speaks only in active voice and really never overuses totally lame adjectives, she does not. 

    Corollary to Law Four: Each pass results in a better document. Really glaring errors like saying a missing NOUN or worse a missing VERB will not be discovered until pass five or greater. 
    Corollary to the corollary: Truly glaring errors will not be discovered until you hit send. 

Wisdom of Wavybrains

Law One: The Rule of Finite Resources:  If you have a certain amount of cash for the entire week's cab rides to and from medical appointments, you will leave your keys at PT on Monday morning, necessitating a round-trip return to retrieve them, and use up your entire allotment of cash in the span of 30 minutes.   

• Corollary to Law One:  If a balanced budget is achieved, new expenses will crop up within the hour.  The more tightly balanced the budget, the larger the expenses.  Furnaces and pets laugh in the face of budgets.
• Corollary to the Corollary:  If you have no room for extras and are forgoing personal treats, your pets will pick up on this. If you sell an article, expect two back to back vet visits equal to the amount of the article. 

Law Two:  Supply and Demand:  If your previously docile cat starts hunting small things to leave as presents for his owners, and you dispose of said "presents," eventually he will assume that you require larger tokens of appreciation.  Thus, when he lays an entire SQUIRREL in the doorway to Freak's office (how he managed to bring it in unnoticed is a separate issue), neither owner should be surprised. 

• Corollary to Law Two:  Neither running shrieking from the room and hiding in the pillows while continuing to scream (wavybrains) or bursting out laughing (Freak), will deter the cat from strutting like a rock star through the basement like he da man.  Which can only mean that he infers a great demand for his services in the future. Bletch.
• Corollary the second: Immediate demands for the cat's removal as a family member will cause a marked decrease in the supply of love in the house. 
• See Law One: If you are a wee bit late in cat vaccinations due to law one, your cat will kill a squirrel elevating the need for vaccinations to def-com one, terror alert red, damn the cost. 

What laws of the universe did YOU discover this weekend? 

Ooops, I did it again.

I suppose I could quibble that I finished my first manuscript around May 2005, had the idea for the YA in August 2005, outlined it over the fall, and wrote about 25,000-30,000 words during NaNoWriMo last year.  Then, it pretty much sat, a 1,000 words here or there, but really very little progress.  So, you could say it took me over a year to finish my second manuscript.  Or you could say, that I finished my second manuscript. TODAY.  Today, where I somehow wrote about 10,000 words in seven hours and finished my second manuscript.  48, 807 words.  Bloody words, each of them worth it. 

Now, onto my favorite part: revision. 

But right now, can we all say a hell yeah to the writing muses?????  (Eli's post from Monday on the fickle muses). 

This, That, and the Other

This:  I'm now part of a group writing blog.  This feels like a very productive use of blogging time.

That: Dawn has a even better idea for productive blogging. 

The Other:  I finally sent my first query letter for the book.  Someone hold me while I throw up, please. After so many months of not writing, if it took going through the depression, breaking my foot, and loosing my job to get me to the this point, I have to say: it was worth it.  The last few weeks have been nothing short of a godsend.  I feel like a walking poster child for my particular medication, because it is WORKING, but more importantly, so I am.   I have to say, at the risk of sounding like a blogging heritic, that dealing with my internet addiction may be the biggest factor in my new productivity and outlook on life. I'm planning for NaNoWriMo, but I'm taking the writing in slow, manageable chunks right now. I'm also selling some articles which helps with the whole no-job thing.

The Other Other: Freak is struggling right now. I can't go into too much detail here, but Freak is dealing with some health issues that have taken a major toll.  Please think good thoughts for him as he has some upcoming tests and Dr's visits.   

Recovering Internet Addict

Going from spending ALL of one's non-working, non-sleeping time on the Internet in some form to a strict computer usage plan is a bit like going from the buffet line to gastric bypass overnight or going cold turkey after a three pack a day habit: your world shifts and all you can do is adjust.  Not unlike breaking one's foot or loosing one's job (hem hem), but this Internet addiction recovery process is distinct because it is self-chosen and is part of the larger process of reclaiming myself and my mental health.  (I'm putting my Internet plan in the extended cut in case others are interested) 

So, now that my crutch of the Internet is removed from the equation, how HAVE I been spending my non-working, limited mobility time:

• Cooking.  Luckily, I have the type of kitchen that makes it pretty easy to cook from a wheelchair.  Instead of spending every meal at the computer, I've been spending breakfast and lunch with Mark, Julia, Betty, Fanny, and Bert and planning dinner. It's been a very long since I cooked this regularly.
• Listening to Books on Tape. This is probably my new favorite way to spend time. I can listen to a book and clean or knit at the same time. Listening to good fiction has the same effect on me as reading good fiction, and I accomplish something while getting energized for my own writing.
• Laundry. There is no laundry mountain. I repeat there is no laundry mountain. All clothes are hung and folded and there is no back log. The last time this occurred was maybe almost a year ago.  The process of getting everything done, put away, and caught up took multiple days.
• Physical therapy.  The cast of doom and I are now going three times a week to have foot torture, but I am told that healing is occurring.  At least another three weeks of the cast of doom, but at least things are looking good. 
• Knitting. This goes hand and hand with the books on tape but I'm also discovering the pleasure of sitting and JUST knitting without other distractions.
• Writing. I'm preparing to do NaNoWriMo for the second time, and I've been plotting my story.
• Talking. In addition to the daily marathon with Clanna, I've added phone calls to other relatives and longer nightly chats with Freak.
• Reading. The Brockmann books were not a fluke, and I've been enjoying this reading Renaissance whole-heartedly.
• Taking small steps to my next career moves. 
• Thinking. For me, surfing replaces day-dreams, thinking, contemplating, and zaps my creativity.

It's not earth shattering, it's not even all that interesting, but it is, for me, a reclaiming of the simple good things in my life.  In case you are interested in reclaiming your life from the Internet, my plan follows. 

9 books, 6 days

Do I seem absent from the blogging sphere? My good friend from RWA lent me her ENTIRE collection of Suzanne Brockmann's troubleshooter's series.  These books are more addictive than chocolate and have been the perfect medicine for my still-broken-now-with-added fun of more-bed-rest-less-walking foot.  More addictive than Battlestar AND House.  Combined. 

The fact that these books have completely captivated me also marks a huge turning point. I believe I can now say without a doubt that my new medication is working.  W-O-R-K-I-N-G.  For the first time in years, I am able to focus on one thing at a time and to fully enjoy that one thing without a thousand other racing thoughts competing for my attention. This is nothing short of remarkable.  I have always been a reader, but now I feel returned to the reader I used to be.

I am gradually returning to my own writing too.  Brockmann's books have taught me more about POV and character development than any writing workshop and I find myself actually eager for the start of NaNoWriMo which I am gearing up to do again this year.  I am on the verge of sending out my first ever query letter for my completed manuscript which is a huge step forward for me.

My previous post on blog reading really reflects a long standing battle between what I want to do, my depression, and a fierce Internet addiction. Thank you to everyone who shared their tips and methods. I brought many of your suggestions with me to therapy today (commenters on the loose! beware!) as we worked out a plan to limit my computer activities. This means less blog reading/commenting (but still writing my own blog!) as I work to have a healthy relationship with my laptop again. (Laptops are for writing, not for vegging out, silly wavbrains :)) I continue to welcome your comments, emails, and readership. I hope to be able to return the favor later on as I continue to road to recovery from the depression monster.