Return of Darth Kittius

Long ago (sometime prior to last Saturday) in a galaxy far, far away (Oregon) . . . 

The galaxy was a peaceful, if despondent place in the years since Darth Kittius had risen to power. Sure, small skirmishes happened on the outposts, the citizens were all poor peasants, and the occasional border war resulted in massive taxation to benefit Emperor Vetatine, but Dart Kittius had remained a silent force of malevolent evil. Evil which just simmered beneath the surface waiting for two things: An empty credit card and the impeding arrival of Beta Skywalker.

Darth Kittius recieved word that a tax refund check was the on the way, and last time he landed on the lap of Shoda (she who knows where the heat comes from) he was rudely smacked to the floor. Beta Skywalker was rising to power. Darth Kittius felt that perhaps, his people were beginning to see him as just plain Mingy again. This could not do. The other cats might remind him that he was once just a "short bus kitty." Thus, battle plan in place, he built The Death Abscess.  Of course, the rebellion got wind of this, and immediately tried to curtail death star building with a multi-pronged attack of natural remedies, prayer, and appeals to Darth Kittius to reconsider his strategy.

Of course, it was no use. The first Death Abscess was launched to great effect, spewing all manner of gross debris across the galaxy, with others threatening to follow suit. An in-person audience was sought with Emperor Vetatine.  Darth Kittius yowled with triumph the whole ride, and when Emperor Vetatine said the magic word, "Operation," many swear they saw old Helmet Head actually crack a smile as his plan came to fruition. Terror rained as the peasants rang their hands--would he he survive? And at what cost? And which piece of plastic to absorb the damage?

Finally, the call came. Darth Kittius would emerge with new powers, sporting a second zipper intersecting with his previous zipper like scar. Power was his again. But, Emperor Vetatine encouraged him to try a new strategy: Go among the people and discover the truth about the arrival of Beta Skywalker. This was indeed, a noble mission, but how could helmet head go in disguise? Short of bronzing himself and calling himself 3CPO Kitty, nothing came to mind. Then, he hit on his most diabolical plan yet: Disguise as a member of the blue man group.

The New Blue Reign of Terror Begins

Darth Kittius is welcomed home by his loyal servant

The loyal servant is kicked to the curb where he belongs. Total domination begins with total control over every chair and warm surface in the galaxy. 

Most Hissith Lords have nine lives, but none are quite so extravagant with each life as Darth Kitticus. The peasants estimate that he still has approximately 5 lives left. They are not sure whether to be relieved or terrified, especially since each life has been more expensive than the last.

We'd say stay tuned for Episode III, the Special Effects Extravaganza, but we're really hoping that Episode III takes YEARS, maybe DECADES to produce. 

Comments

[Natalee]

OH! Poor Mingy! I hope your kitty recovers well.

[amanda]

Poor Darth Kittius (mingy). I hope he is going to be OK. And your credit card: :-).

That was one of the best posts you have EVER written. You are really coming along as a writer. I hope that is evident to you, but if not, rest assured it is to our adoring fans (Matt included)

-A&M

[SarahD]

Lo, the power of the dark side is vast and irresistible, particularly for those kitties already sworn to it by their black coats. Sorry to hear Mingy is flexing his powers, especially in regards to your plastic, but you know how they are!

Hilarious parody, btw :D