Gratitude Post

Thank you, thank you, thank you to everyone who has emailed/commented/called in support of my "impatience" post. It was a rough weekend, with a trip to labor & delivery, and I've been having contractions since Thursday, so your support truly made a huge difference in my mental state.

It's been rough, even with all the meditating and re-focusing, because all the stopping-starting-stopping and physical pain tends to cut into even the most zen like mental state. And we all know I'm not Buddha, despite the superficial resemblance.

This morning, while in the shower, I was reminded of one of Jennifer Crusie's favorite sayings, "There are many roads to Oz." I just seem to be taking the long, meandering, scenic road, but I'm still heading to Oz. I am so close to Oz, to the land that many of my fellow PCOS cysters spend years aching for, to the place that my endocrinologist said was a pipe dream, to the place that I've wanted to be ever since I was old enough to hold a baby. Indeed, I'm taking a route to Oz that I didn't expect. I expected to take the adoption express, and instead I got a surprise ticket on Pregnancy Airlines. One that came with very little turbulence.  Oz is in sight, far sooner than either of us expected, and who am I to quibble over the last few miles? I'm going to Oz, and holy cow, my body has gotten me this far. I'm going to keep trusting it to take me the rest of the way.

And since that trust doesn't come naturally to me, I'm going to try to focus on what's good right now. I have an amazing partner. Did I mention that he got me a "Congratulations, You lost your mucus plug!" Balloon and a stuffed fish? He's been making me walk, rubbing my back, taking me for treats without mentioning the food budget, took me to see "The Simpsons Movie," and has auditioned for sainthood by putting up with all my cranky crap.

When he talks to Beta, everything falls into perspective for me. How amazing it is to have a full term baby inside of me, one that can spin towards his voice, and pack a wallop of a kick. Nothing compares to this sensation. The flutters and little kicks that marked most of the pregnancy have been replaced by full body wiggles that contort my belly and take my breathe away. The sheer "realness" of these movements defies description. If these contractions had progressed quicker, I might have missed out on a valuable chance to bond with Beta. Freak's done most of the talking, but in the last few days, I've finally found a voice to speak out loud to Beta with. My meditating has led to some powerful chats with Beta, and even in my impatience, I wouldn't trade those experiences. I feel closer to Beta, more like a team, like we are practicing together.

I'm also grateful for the little things that make the discomfort bearable--long showers, friends to distract me, a doula to lean on, great books, mountains of pillows, iced tea, exercise balls, and naps. Women who work up until their due date (or beyond) deserve a medal, trip to Disneyland, and endorsement deals, because I have no idea how they do it. I'm grateful for the chance to pamper myself, to give up all pretense of trying to be productive, and just resting up for the final destination.

Oz is in sight. I just have to enjoy the final leg of the journey.

Comments

[Erin O']

Just checking in after time away -- waiting is HARD, but it sounds like you're doing the best you can, and that is very good! Meditation is def. getting me through some tough times lately!

Good luck with labor!

[starfish]

It's always nice when one of the "good guys" realizes the dream. Savor the moments...you deserve it.

[chasmyn]

Beautiful. I am in tears.

[Jenn (dish)]

I thought perhaps the silence meant that there was a Beta in our midst. You're doing great- s/he'll be here before you realize. I agree that when the end is near, we sometimes forget that there's a really special bond with that little person inside- not just an imminent birth. Beautifully said.

Oh, and no need for a Disney trip for me- I'll just have a dish of ice cream, thanks. :-)

[pamela]

good luck with this final stretch. some say that the pain of waiting makes you grateful for the pain of labor. it happens like this alot - just make sure you're resting well, that makes a HUGE difference.

[Natalee]

I keep checking to see if Beta is here. I'm just as guilty of impatience as you are! I'm an "instant gratification" kind of gal, and it irks me that I have to keep waiting for the thing I want most in this life-children.

[Natalie]

I am so glad you have a doula. I had pitocin with my first and it is much worse. I had a homebirth with my second and it was awesome. As you know, pitocin and interventions increase your risk for a csection so hold strong like you are doing!!! As someone who has gone late I feel your pain. Beta will be here soon.

[SarahD]

...How's it coming along, Bethany? You're miiiighty quiet over there ;)

[Marijanus]

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Werner Schultheiss
berirtrerejas

[talapoku]

In your opinion, what's the best movie ever created?