Cat? What cat? Baby? What Baby?
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.
Dear Small Human,
You think I do not see you. You think I do not notice your existence. You are wrong. My feline dignity will not allow me to stoop to the levels exhibited by The Dog. No, you will not find ME bringing toys and placing them on your blanket. I may kill you a nice mouse once the weather improves, but it's not my style to cover you with kisses or supplicate beneath your bouncy chair.
After all, really, what is there to get excited about? You don't use the litter box, you don't groom yourself, you have no desire to eat turkey or Food of the Gods (wet cat food). Although, you might want to rethink the whole litter box thing. It's quite uncouth the way you let loose with your bodily functions during family bonding time. These things are best taken care of in private, my dear. Not to mention, I have found that the best way to ensure that The Dog does not take an untoward interest in my nethers is to do my business up high or under a bush.
Furthermore, I have yet to see any benefits from your arrival, young lady. Before you came, all these neat new sleeping places arrived. Then, my new sleeping places were filled with BALLOONS. Do you know how hard it is to nap in between balloons, let alone try to remove them without popping them?
It's hard. And it doesn't help that these new resting spots are always close to The Warm Boxes. How am I supposed to resist 750 watts of delicious oscillating warmth? I'm not, I tell you. It's simply unfeline. So perhaps you could consider sharing? I'll take the morning shift in the crib and the night shift in the stroller? No?
The worst indignity came yesterday. You LAUGHED at the dog! That slobbering idiot licks you from stem to stern, and you reward her with laughter? Why, I never! And of course, the large round human ate this up, calling you "doggy's new best friend." Hah.
She's welcome to you. Start earning your keep little one, or you'll be hearing more from me.
No kisses,
Mingy
