Why do you teach?

"What are YOU doing here?" At least once a semester I get hit with this question, and I'm still working on how to answer it. (And, why yes, I do have a life beyond baby. Not that you'd know it from my last seven months worth of blog entries). When I first started teaching two and half years ago, I was slightly, okay VERY, ashamed that I wasn't practicing law. I felt the need to offer grandiose explanations, and proceed as if I was waiting for either a law school tenure track position, a "very good deal" publishing contract, or a bolt of sense to hit my noggin and send me back to practice, post-haste. Mainly the latter.

I wasn't quite sure how to deviate from what my students saw as the golden ring: a degree with an inside track to upper middle class living.  I always ended up almost agreeing with the questioner: WHY  am I here? Why am I earning so little that even Sallie Mae has taken pity on me? Why are Freak and I living month-to-month instead of having an actual savings account? I even went through a brief period where I didn't even mention my law degree. 

And now, I have the perfect excuse: Of course I'm teaching. I have a BABY. (You knew this was going to come back to her sooner or later). There aren't any good part-time legal jobs. I'm CHOOSING to stay at home with her (cue noble sounding music).

But this is a lie. It makes it sound like my return to law is just a preschool application away. And it's not. I LOVE teaching. I love sitting in faculty meetings. I love writing "Professor" on my email signature line. I love an especially great class night way better than I ever loved a trial (none of that nervous sweat in an expensive suit is a great bonus). I love the start of a new semester. I even love the unknown: what will I be teaching next term? What hours?

I still may return to practice, but I think my ideal future is in academia. And somewhere along the line, I've come to love the community college setting. I get students at the cusp of their dream. And, for me right now, the challenge is articulating MY dream well enough that they feel empowered to choose their own path.

Being a lawyer wasn't really for me? Why is that so hard to admit?

Comments

[Erin]

I can't explain it better, but did want to say I know just what you mean. I feel like I have to justify my teaching career at a community college to all of my former classmates, who now have post-docs at Harvard and Johns Hopkins, work in pharmaceutical companies making 6 figures, or do patent law. I always say that I love my job, but I also always end up justifying my career choice with my wonderful schedule that allows me to be with my children as much as possible while still working a full-time job.

I just don't know why I have such a problem with it, either.