Life is a Banquet

You will be missed, 2008

Gerber Baby
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.

2008 was the best year of my life, bar none.

It makes me sad to think that Tavy won't remember 2008 (unless she is freakish like her father who claims to remember everything from his christening forward) because this has been such a pivotal year for both of us. Later, I want to speak of ruminations and resolutions, but right now, I just want to celebrate.

2008 was not the year I became a mother, but it was the year when my identity as a mother solidified. I'm playing with the site design, because I'm not the same person I was when I rolled this out almost two years ago. (Change still in progress. Me no like the new typepad). 2008 felt like the payoff to four really hard years of ups and downs (please, 2009, don't feel the need to resume the pattern!) because I felt different. More grounded. More happy. More ME.

2008 was the year of the bald baby who started the year at a New Year's party asleep in her pouch sling while her tired mother kept adding up how much sleep she was missing to socialize. Tonight, she'll do her own socializing with her own friends. 2008 was the year she learned to roll, crawl, walk, RUN, and talk. It was the year she had her first blueberries, adopted Baby Baby, became zookeeper for the pets, went to her first storytime, and made her first friends. 2008 saw us pack away FIVE sizes of clothing, the miracle blanket, the baby bathtub, the bouncy seat, the swing, the floor mats, the pack and play, Tavy park, the pram, and the bucket carseat. When 2008 began, the guest room air mattress was still inflated to deal with tiny baby's constant waking. As it ends, the boppy pillows are being phased out, and the rocking chair is our new way of dealing with BIG BABY's night waking. Still. 2008 was the year our baby became a person.

2008 was the year that I became a joiner. For the first time since my Freshman year of college, I have a circle of friends, and it is beyond wonderful. I have writing friends, teaching friends, and mothering friends, and I am married to my best friend. I am rich beyond measure. I treasure each person in my life right now, and that includes all of you. All seven. Perhaps 2009 will be the year I talk about more than just Tavy, but 2008 was certainly really Two Thousand and Octavia.

Thank you 2008 for the year that went by far to quickly and left enough pictures, videos, and memories to follow me the rest of my days.

Happy Release-Eve!

  Release Eve? You have not heard of this holiday? My, my! By hanging around a group of writers as
amazing as the ladies in my RWA chapter, I have been fortunate to witness a lot of "Release Eve" holidays as a writer draws closer to the date of her first (or next) release. Release Eve is similar to Christmas Eve--there's tons of buildup (editing! waiting! promo! waiting! reviews! waiting!), tons of nerves waiting to see if the writer's choices will be well received, and tons of energy waiting to see if she if will make the "nice" list. And, then finally, it's Release Eve. All the writer can do now is wait--her promo is done, the books are in the hands of the reviewers, the boxes have been shipped to the stores, Amazon is jumping the gun as pre-orders start winging their way towards readers. Real Readers. At last.

I have never been as excited for Release-Eve as I am for my good friend, Elisabeth Naughton, whose  first book, Stolen Fury is releasing on December 30th from Dorchester to much fanfare (Great reviews from Publisher's Weekly and others!).  From the first moment I met Eli, I knew that she was headed for the big time. You know how some people just have star power? How Michael Phelps's coach looked at him (as a scrawny 10 year old!) and just knew that he could win Olympic Gold? That's Eli. Everyone knew that she had a ticket to the big dance--she was just waiting for her date to arrive. But, she didn't cool her heels and file her nails waiting for her stretch limo to take her to the NYT ball.

No, Eli hunkered down at her keyboard and kept writing. And writing. She racked up contest finals, agent rejections, Golden Heart finalist, more agent rejections, finally landing her dream agent, publisher rejections, near-sale agony, and then she sold. And she kept writing.  She committed herself to the process, she knew what her end goal was, and she just kept going. When I met her, she had a six month old baby, and two other children under age five. She was still writing. She pumped her way to Nationals where she took copious notes and came back and kept writing.  Even now, instead of twittering away her release day nerves, she's still been writing, even with all the promo she's been doing.

We make monthy goals at our meetings--X pages, X words, X submissions, etc. However, the round-the-table often feels like an AA meeting. "Yup, I fell off the wagon again!" "Me, too!" "That's okay! It's my third time off this year!" But, not Eli. Even when she doesn't meet her goal, she always comes close. She's always got progress.  It would be REALLY easy to hate her, but she gives so much back to everyone who knows her that we all just hold her up as a paragon of writerly virtue. 

So much so, that when she sold (!!!), I didn't feel my usual rush of green bile clogging my happy ducts.  Instead, I just felt elated. The way I felt on Election Night. Or rooting for the 16th seed in the NCAA tournament.  Sometimes the good guys DO win. When you see someone succeed who worked so hard, you can't help but feel lifted up by their success. When I need inspiration, she always comes through.   I can't wait to read Stolen Fury, but I also can't wait for everyone ELSE to read Stolen Fury and discover what we all already know:  She belongs on the keeper shelf. 

Stolen Fury is a Romantic Adventure, and in that spirit, Eli is running a great contest:

Merry Christmas!

Shiny and Snowy
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.

I hope everyone had a good day. I think this may have been my all-time favorite Christmas. Santa Freak and I were up late assembling the present--a WAGON. We placed outside our room, with a note from Santa, and put the video camera by the bedside. At crack o' dawn when she squawked and squirmed her way out of the bed, we trailed behind her and watched her discover her present.

She loved the bow. She loved the bow so much that we had to point out that there was a wagon attached! Then it was like, "Oh! Hey! Wagon! YES! WINNER IDEA!" She wanted in it right away, and of course, had to get Baby Baby and give her a ride too.

She didn't get another present for several hours, so she had a grand time with the wagon. We had a grand day as well--I made a lovely brunch with eggs, natural sausage, gluten free blueberry muffins. Last night, we had Uncle Manny's famous potato soup and gluten free bread IN MY NEW BREADMAKER (I love my MIL). Tonight, we had leftover soup and a fun cooking-free time watching movies (Freak got American Beauty from Santa).

I missed Clanna and the rest of the family as much as always, but this was a wonderful, drama-free family that didn't have much room for sadness and wistfulness.

How was your Christmas day?

Happy Christmas Eve!

The lady in red runs the show
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.

If you click the picture, you can see that this one truly is the best of several that Uncle Manny took. And I only put the passable ones up on Flickr. Sigh.

I'm so excited for Christmas as this is my first time playing Santa. And in the grand tradition of Santa, Freak and I will be creeping around after she (finally) falls asleep tonight assembling something that better darn well have very, very clear instructions. Plan is to leave it so that it's the first thing she sees in the morning.

We're doing our usual for each other--around $20 of silly little presents (the more, the better), but this year because of the snow, I'm feeling kind of guilty b/c Freak's pile is looking rather meager thanks to my fear of driving on ice. We'll hit the after Christmas sales together for our "real" presents. However, our frugal ways did not extend to Tavy. At all.

Oh, we are bad, bad, bad capitalists. Starting a little after her birthday, I brought home something and said, "This is for Christmas." And set it aside. A few weeks later, Freak did the same thing. Then we were out together and saw something irresistible. And Again. So, um, her pile looks a little bit ridiculous.

I'm pretty sure that pre-kids I said something like, "My kids will never have a whole stack of presents. NEVER. They will get one, well-crafted, Montessori toy." "We won't get all caught up in the Christmas hype." Um. Yeah. That was before I discovered the difference between buying presents for OTHER kids and buying them for MINE.

Here's to hoping Santa brings me a healthy serving of humble pie. What is everyone else doing for Christmas Eve?

Remodeling

Going with a new theme here---excuse the mess while I reconfigure!

Coming Soon to Theaters: Tavy of the Arctic

Promotional Desktop Background
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.

(Click here for the whole set of screen shots (and captions!) from Tavy of the Arctic)

Coming Holiday 2008: The unforgettable story of a girl, an unforgiving terrain, and an undying urge to keep toddling through the harshest climate known to man: The Oregon Arctic. A tragic victim, first of global warming, then of a terrible dog sledding crash, Tavy is undaunted as she makes her trek across the great white north. Watch as her joy at the wonder of crunching snow turns to icy agony as the encroaching icebergs impede her trek. Take the whole family to see if Tavy will ever be reunited with her Sit-Sit, Baby-Baby, and Mama.

(Side note: We're at the one week mark of life in the Oregon Arctic and joy at the prospect of a White Christmas has turned to cabin fever of the crazy making variety. Any ideas on what to do with a stir crazy toddler would be much appreciated).

I'm Tired

Devil Wore Pink
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.

To the tune of "Ten in the Bed"

It was ten and the little one was in bed when she said, "I'm lonely," so she rolled over and said "Mama."

It was 12 and the little one was in bed when she said, "I'm hungry," so she rolled over and said "Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah."

It was 1:30 and the mama was in bed when the little one said, "I'm cold," so she rolled out and said "ssssssssssssssh."

It was 3:00 and the dada was in bed when the little one said, "My teeth hurt," so the dada rolled over and said, "Your baby now."

It was 5:00 and the little one was in our bed when she said, "I'm hungry," so the mama rolled over and said, "Help yourself."

It was 6:00 and the little one was in our bed when she said, "Not done yet," so the mama sighed and rolled her over to the other side.

It was 7:30 and the little one was still in our bed when she said, "Where's Dada," and the mama rolled over and said, "two more hours. Please."

It was 8:00 and the little up sat up and said "no more bed!" and the mama rolled over and said, "I might as well be dead!"

***********

15 months is HARD. Very HARD.

How I found my TrueNorth

The following is part of the TrueNorth blog tour presented by Mom Central. TrueNorth is offering an amazing contest for people to share stories like this of how they found their TrueNorth (life's passion) and how they are living it. More details about the contest follow at the end of my story.

As I mentioned in my "Holy Crap, I'm 30" post, I'm still coming to terms with the fact that my life isn't how I pictured it when I was teen.  However, I think that much of my life is a reflection of dreams that I kept hidden deep inside of me--of husbands and babies and crafts and homemade breads and playgroups and teaching and writing novels. I was afraid to take them out and look at them lest them seem too shabby in the daylight, so I'd spin fairy tales as I drifted off to sleep. Now, of course, I know that these fairy tales were plot seeds and that even then, I had novels itching to see ink.

It is telling that in my big book of plot ideas, I don't have a series of legal thrillers waiting to be written. I have absolutely no desire to be Grisham or Turow. Occasionally, I pass the building where I practiced, and I feel a twinge. Or I see the dratted Alumni Magazine and feel dirty with guilt and envy. However, I don't envy them the practice of law; instead, I envy the net worth and financial security. But, I'm not willing to trade to get them.

A short time ago, my therapist (yes, I still have one on a very sporadic basis) gave me an amazing exercise where I listed my core values and discussed how I was attempting to live them. An amazing, beautiful sense of calm descended on me and immediately abolished so much guilt. I realized that I am living most of my core values and actively trying to live the others.

When I tried to live differently, I made myself sick. When I tell "my story" to people when they discover my past life, that is always the turning the point. No real decision on my part--I'm not sure I had the courage. I got sick, and things happened that led to other things that led to here. I got well the only way I knew how which led to a deeper understanding of who I am and what I dream of. In so many ways I owe my current life to PCOS, gluten intolerance, and severe, crippling depression. And I owe it to medication which keeps me healthy. Does it keep me healthy enough to try again at being a full-time lawyer?

I no longer wish to find out. I wouldn't be true to who I am if I didn't live my value of trying to raise Tavy without daycare as much as possible. I wouldn't be true to who I am if I wasn't at least dreaming of plot ideas. I wouldn't be true to who I am if I wasn't in the classroom. Yes, we are poor. We live month to month, and in this economy, we take risks that aren't exactly prudent. But, we are happy, and I am sane.

I didn't find my True North. My True North found me.

I encourage you to share your TrueNorth stories with the contest. From Mom Central:

TrueNorth is inviting people to submit a story that describes how they (or someone they know) are pursuing his or her life's passion at www.truenorthsnacks.com/story. One story will be chosen to share with the world in the form of a 60-second commercial aired during the 81st Annual Academy Awards® broadcast on February 22, 2009.  The inspirational spot will be directed by Oscar®-winning actress Helen Hunt and the winner will receive $25,000 to help in the pursuit of his or her passion.

The TrueNorth brand first found its passion by turning a simple nut into an extraordinary snack. Now for this contest, TrueNorth believes there are people with life stories as cinematic-worthy as the ones showcased on the big screen, and they too deserve to be recognized under the unmatched spotlight of the Academy Awards® broadcast.

The deadline for entries is December 31, 2008, so get cracking. If you enter, I'd love to see your story. If you post one, please share your link here.

Tavy Reviews Baby Einstein

When the nice folks at Mom Central asked for reviewers to look at a set of new releases celebrating Baby Einstein's 10th Anniversary, I said yes because Tavy loves to get mail. It's not fair that Mama gets so many books in the mail and gets to do reviews while she just chases dust bunnies all day. Her grandmas have trained her well--the mailman brings Baby! Baby! Baby! in packages and Sit!Sit!Sit! barks, making a lovely commotion. If the dog's excited, Tavy wants to get in on the action, so she's now trained herself to toddle to the mail slot and wait for me to hand her the day's junk mail. She "delivers" it all over the house. Endless fun!

Tavy and I opened the Baby Einstein package together. We got: Baby Mozart DVD, Baby Mozart Lullaby CD, and a Baby Einstein on the Farm touch and feel board book. Tavy immediately latched on to the board book. She loves all touch and feel books, particularly those involving animals. This one has quickly become a favorite in our rotation because the book makes her a participant in the story--inviting her to feel each animal in turn. ("May we feel you today?"--great tool for helping teach gentle-gentle-gentle) I've borrowed a few other Baby Einstein board books from the library, and I really like this element of their stories where the child is a lead character in the story. Their books have a unique mix of cartoon images and real pictures--it's nice to have different images of the same animal type on a page. Tavy showed the book to Baby Baby and to Sit!Sit!Sit! and gave it a ride in the stroller, so we can safely assume she gives it two thumbs up.

The hints for parents on the back of the book is a nice touch--I don't always have a chance to pull my book of activities out, and it's nice to have a little reminder to do something new. I'm still struggling with how best to help her with language while giving her enough space to play on her own--I don't want to hover or narrate her whole day for her, but I know that I can do more labeling and one-sided conversations. The hints make this a good, inexpensive, gender neutral gift for parents-to-be.

She also really loves music, so I was hopeful that the CD and DVD would also be big hits. I left Tavy giving the book a ride in the stroller and handed the package o' fun to Daddy. I returned to a sleeping baby. When I'm teaching, Daddy usually uses You Tube (Somenex has nothing on Russian Guitar music) to help Tavy fall asleep, but he liked having the same sort of repetitive classical music without having cue up new tracks. When she's awake, Tavy prefers much more active music, but this is perfect music for helping baby sleep. If we had a white noise cd player or something similar, I think I would put the CD on at bed time. (However, I wouldn't play this if you are going to have to stay awake yourself---not safe for driving or operating heavy machinery!) Tavy recommends gifting this CD to fathers, grandparents, and other caretakers who lack the magic milk machinery.

Hoping to strike gold again, I left Tavy and her Uncle watching Baby Einstein in the living room while I made dinner. Baby Mozart is recommended for ages three months and up, and is similar to several other Baby Einstein videos we have borrowed from the library. We've tried a whole bunch of videos hoping to find something that she can enjoy occasionally with her Uncle or with Daddy. And all have exactly the same effect:

"I thought you guys were watching a video?"

"We ARE!"

"Why is she standing at the gate bearing Baby Baby and saying Ma Ma Ma Ma?"

"Hey, at least she liked the opening credits this time!"

After much scientific research, I have concluded that there are two types of babies in the world--those who like videos, mobiles, fish tanks, and light boxes and Tavy. If you are blessed with a mobile loving baby, these videos are perfect because they are like a super-charged, interactive mobile and really tap into the repetitive motion and soothing noise some (okay all but mine) babies love. Tavy was born immune to all soothing mechanisms not physically attached to the mama.

Even now, as I hear about other 15 month olds who love educational programming, Tavy just isn't a video girl. I tried the Baby Mozart video a couple of other times just to see if maybe a different part would grab her attention, and she does like the part where they flash pictures on the screen like giant flash cards. If they offered a video that was 90% flash card images, I would buy dozens because this was my favorite part too. It's easy to label and discuss giant pieces of food and huge baby animals, and the familiar images really captured her attention. However, there are only two short segments like this in the 28 minute DVD. The music is pretty similar to the Lullaby CD--it has a very nice updated arrangement of twinkle-twinkle on it, but it's more suited to a pre-nap wind-down than a toddler dance party.

I really like the idea of the Baby Einstein videos, and their view tips make it clear that their aim is to let parents guide the experience. ( Download DVD Viewing Tips_FINAL[1] ). For this reason, I think I might use Baby Mozart in the future as a shower gift--you never know what will soothe a fussy, colicky baby, and different parent/baby combos might get more out of the video experience.

I can't say as I'm disappointed that she's not into videos. If she were into videos but ambivalent about books, I would be tying myself into knots, but I'm perfectly okay with letting her use DVD cases for teething (yum!) while she restocks her books. However, if anyone has any suggestions of a fast paced, music and dancing toddler video, we'd love to give them a try just to see.

Tavy's favorite part of the mail wasn't the book, the CD or the DVD. She loved, loved, loved the big envelope that everything came in and got several playtimes out of filling and emptying it. However, she particularly liked putting the Touch and Feel Farm Animals book in the envelope and carrying it around, recreating that moment of discovery. ("Oh look! A new book!" "Again!").

Tavy and I would like to thank Mom Central and Baby Einstein for letting us have so much fun with the mail! Now she thinks that all large padded envelopes are for her! And who has suggestions of other things I could order to help encourage her love of mail and music?

Still Old. Now with added Fluffiness.

Bad Hair Day
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.

Yes, I purposely picked the most unattractive recent picture of myself. Well perhaps not THE worst--I do have my limits, but you get the idea. I've realized that I currently have three groups of people in my life: 1) Those who know that I've spent 27 of my 30 years fat and who witnessed Skinny Wavy versions 1-3. 2) Those who met me as Skinny Wavy and 3) Those who have only recently met me and probably assume that I've always been fluff and/or that I've yet to loose the baby weight. Lately, I feel like I'm letting group two down by not chomping at the bit to achieve svelte nirvana again.

Honestly, I'm not that unhappy being fluffier. It's my natural state. Kind of like bad hair. It takes certain motivation to fix it, and most days, I've got higher priorities. However, everyday new research comes out tolling the cost of carrying extra pounds, and I feel extra guilty for each serving of ice cream.

I could deal with Group Two guilt, but I had my annual physical this week and DOCTOR guilt is a whole different kettle of fish. PCOS is back with a vegence, and the blood work isn't even back yet, and my doctor was able to see the telltale signs that PCOS didn't leave with the stork. Sigh. I knew this. I did.

And I know that the best way to get the PCOS back to manageable levels is to eat a low glycemic diet again. Which equals DIETING. Double sigh. I'd so hoped that I could simply Eat Real Food my way out of this.

I'm being so typically overfed American right now by telling myself that I'll tackle this in January with a New Years resolution. But, I know that I have to do something, especially if I ever want to think about doing the whole pregnancy thing again. Triple sigh.

Off to say loving goodbyes to the lovely, lovely ice cream.