Memorial

  There were flowers. So many flowers all triumphantly, majestically ALIVE awaiting planting in a memorial garden where they will live on for the one who cannot. There were speeches, the beauty and eloquence of which defies quotation. There were friends, too numerous to count, the devotion of whom was unquestioned and the love unconditional and unending. There was a tiny picture that embodied perfection.

And still.

There was no sense.

None.

The injustice of the universe was stunning.  Stunningly awful. One of the speakers spoke about the etymology of the word awful, both "awe inspiring" and "horrid." And that's exactly what this was.

It was one of the most beautiful events I have ever attended, and the outpouring of love was indeed awe inspiring. And it was also horrid. I didn't want to be anywhere else, and yet I did. not. want. to. be. there.

My pink peony bushes are overflowing right now, touching the earth with their bounty, and earlier in the week, I had thought how I would sneak over to my friend's house this weekend and leave her a large vase to welcome the new arrival. Instead, yesterday, I carefully selected a plant that will bloom delicate purple blossoms each June. The sticky sweet smell of peonies as they wilt is making me ill right now.

Today is also my mother's birthday, and like the day itself, it seemed both fitting and bizarrely macabre. When I called my mother at midnight, I couldn't make it through happy birthday. Instead, I spent most of the phone conversation alternately railing at the universe and marveling at the sheet stupid luck of my own good fortune.

There is no sense in the senseless. But, there is love. So much love for my sweet, sweet friends. I'm so sorry that I never got to meet their beautiful little girl whose arrival was awaited by so many and whose passing is mourned by a multitude.

If you would like a tangible way to share the love, please consider donating to the one the raffles benefiting the families.

Comments

[Megan]

It was so good to see you there.

[debe]

perfectly said, bethany. i kept the tears to myself(for the most part) at the memorial, but man, haven't stopped weeping since i got home.

[Kirsten]

I'm sorry I couldn't make it. Your words are beautiful, and awful. I'm so sorry that our wonderful community had to come together in this way, yet so glad that it exists for this family. I'm sure there are many tears mingled together today, mine included.

[Katie B.]

There is always love.