Life is a Banquet

Make Room for Beta!

Beta Corner
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.

As promised in my last post, I did take some pictures of our progress getting ready for Beta (click the picture for the full set, and to see the details with notes). As I uploaded the pictures, I realized that I'm really proud of what we've done. I bring you the $60 nursery.

Doing a cheap nursery means letting go of your expectations.  This is doubly so if the "nursery" is actually going to be a part of your room. A Pooh Theme has no place in your bedroom, unless of course, you've already got the king-size Classic Pooh bedding, in which case, go for it.  But, I really think that the baby won't care. Making a space for baby is more about YOU feeling ready than the baby coming home and rejecting your choice of decor. It's already traded spaces--and if it's not a womb, it's not really interested in whether the carpet matches the drapes.

Instead, it seems to me that it's more important that you find a way to work the baby's stuff into what you already have and how you already live. Yes, having a couch and TV as key "nursery" design elements won't make the next issue of Better Homes & Gardens, but Freak and I spend a fair amount of time in the "sitting room" part of our master room. We enjoy watching movies together, and I imagine that I might want to do the same while nursing. Also, having our own TV area helps with sharing the house with my brother, and I think I might like having the option of watching a movie with Beta while Freak and Uncle Monkey kill people on the X-box upstairs.

But, I still wanted to signal that the area was "baby central." I cleared off the existing shelves and assembled all the "baby" stuff we already owned: kids books, stuffed animals, games, toys. Just collecting it all in one place and nicely arranging it on the shelves made the area look more "ready." I'm a big fan of grouping like items together and repeating design elements--it can make a space look more finished even when you haven't removed or added a thing.

Once this was done, I was able to think about the "big" items that we'd really need. A place for Beta to sleep, a place for Beta to be changed, and a place for Beta's clothes. A friend gave us a great changing table for upstairs, which I'm keeping in my office for easy access to the bathroom. I really didn't want to buy a changing table just for downstairs, but I wanted something. I had a dresser that wasn't being used, so I cajoled Freak into painting it a fun "kid" color, and I found a cheap changing pad at IKEA. I added a knitted box that I made last year, and put all the changing supplies in that.

Also at IKEA, I got two fun hampers that add a lot of charm to the space. One hamper will hold clean cloth diapers and the other will hold dirty clothes. As for the clean clothes, a few months ago, I made my smartest decision as a bargain queen. I said "yes" to every offer of free stuff, even though that "IF, IF, IF" jinx feeling haunted me. I just said, "Yes, thank you!" and stuck all the boxes in a closet until I was ready (okay, forced into) sorting them. Do not be picky about the freebies--you can sort them at home and donate what you really don't like/want/need.  I'm thinking that when all of the "cute clothes" are in the washing machine, I'll be really glad I said "yes" so often. Clothed is better than naked.

I said "yes" to both boy and girl stuff. If I need a receiving blanket, I'm not going to be fussy about color. As for clothes, I just washed all the "girl" stuff and packed it away separately. If Beta's a boy, I can just find someone else who needs the girl stuff, and if Beta's a girl, she's going to have a huge wardrobe of both pink and blue stuff. I have no problem putting a girl in blue. I'll knit her a bunch of pink hats.

I sorted the clothes and put the smallest stuff in the drawers, and put the rest in the closet labeled by size. I had a vintage cradle, and while it's not Beta-approved, it's perfect to hold linens. For the actual sleeping Beta, I got a moses basket on Craigslist. It's not a long term sleep solution, but it seems perfect for a tiny baby (we're planning to get a crib eventually, don't worry!).

When we went to IKEA, I tried to focus on getting useful things (the hampers) that also made the room more "baby friendly," and added the mobile to enhance that vibe. I'm doing similar things upstairs to try to incorporate the baby stuff in pleasing ways. Without jinxing myself. *

*We are so, so lucky to have gotten so much stuff for free/cheap/long-term loan. If you're one of those people who have given us stuff, know that you made my weekend much more fun! Yay for hand-me-downs! And if you're ever in a position to get rid of baby/kid stuff--try finding friends, neighbors, friends of friends to pass the love onto. Behold the power of "yes."

Unbearable Cuteness, Pant Wars, & Parachute Panties

$10 of Baby Clothes
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.

This innocuous little pile is the first baby clothes that I've bought. Perhaps ever. I usually favor books as children's presents, and once I learned how to knit . . . well, let's just say there aren't many naked babies around me.  I had told myself that I was waiting until after Thursday's ultrasound to do any shopping (out of fear, not because I'll be leaving team green-and-yellow anytime soon), but there is a twice annual rummage sale in our town that features nothing but gently used kid's stuff.

The bargain queen beat out the worrywart and dragged Freak along. She's that powerful.  However, the worrywart took over once we were in a sea of tiny pink-blue-and-appliquéd items. It literally took me twenty minutes to make a purchase. Freak led the way, boldly pairing an itty bitty hoodie with teeny tiny overalls. Then, he whispered the magic words: "hey, most booths are going to half-now." And like, half-off of $1 sleepers is like. . . almost FREE.  So, if you're at all curious what $10 will buy you--click the flickr link and see unbearable cuteness in lovey-dovey detail. 

If you're not so inclined to swoon with me over dinosaur sleepers, then let me tell you what $1.50 buys you: Maternity Pants that moonlight as torture devices. Seriously.  Military prisons could learn something from the pants I got at the same sale. $3 pants, new with tag? Half-off? I took a risk on an XL thinking longly of the size my rear USED to be . . . like oh. . . in December.  And only super skinny Oregon women seem to gestate so the XL hung out like a beacon for me. New. Motherhood to Maternity. Name brand.

I could not resist.  I should have resisted. I tried the pants on in the privacy of my office. Strike one: The designer had replaced the entire top 5 inches of pants with elastic worthy of ankle braces. If I had a sports bra made of this stuff, I'd be all set. By encircling the pants with this miracle elastic, baby AND all back fat are miraculously shoved upwards. Then, since all fat is having a party with the ever-expanding rack, the designer thought, why not taper the legs? Why not indeed? Cause you, know, the only thing that most XL pregnant women are hankering for is peg leg pants. The look that says, "I wish I were riding a horse, darn that baby."

Now, this next part is pure insanity on my part. Clearly these pants were far from acceptable, but darn it I wanted them to EARN that $1.50. So, we were leaving in a few minutes for evil Corporate Mega Store, and I thought: no one at the blue box will pay attention to my pants. I'll wear them this once. Single use pants.

True insanity is stopping for tacos on the way so that we didn't shop hungry. Pushed under the bump, the elastic hadn't been TOO much torture on the ride there, but on the ride from Tacos to the Blue Box internal organs were threatened with rupture. To say nothing of Beta. My maternal instincts went into overdrive.  Something had to be done.

After all this insanity, I did the only sane thing: I fought back. I shoved the pants into Brittany Spears low-rider territory: no help. Blood supply to the hooha was cut off. Unacceptable. Next step: Remove the knitting scissors from my purse. I sliced clean through the offending elastic in two spots. Miracle stuff that it was, the pants didn't fall down, but I could breathe again.

And yes, I shopped like that. Truly, I felt re-connected with my Ozark roots. I hungered for a pair of stonewashed jeans to slash.  Pants went in the trash as soon as I came home. New with tags to war causality in 24 hours.

While at the blue box, I had another circulation issue to take care of: new panties. In all the cute baby-bump pictures gracing every maternity fashion spread, no one ever mentioned the need for larger panties. Very rude surprise that. Even worse suprise: Maternity panties are far larger than you ever dreamed possible.

Anyone planning skydiving in say October/November? Cause I've got the perfect parachute for you! Heck, I've got enough for you AND your friends. When I unfurled them from their package (and seriously, no other word is appropriate here), Freak's reaction was, "Hey! You're not THAT fat. YET."

I'm sure he'll enjoy sleeping on the couch for the next  4.5 months. If he's lucky I might spare him a few cute baby clothes to cuddle with.

This is Why People Have Pets

Hello! I am not an infant!
Originally uploaded by wavybrains.

How to get your cat to help you test baby gear: First, locate a used sling either free or cheap, cheap, cheap. This will come in handy if one of your two cats thinks the way to freedom is by clawing a new exit.  Don't mind the garish patriotic print (so me! so very very me! I may actually switch my primary registration for 2008!), this is your PRACTICE sling--to determine if you actually have the manual dexterity to operate one of these puppies or whether that $60 beauty you pine for will go unused.

Good news! You do indeed have the talent for threading the loops and getting the sling over your head. This is not nearly as complicated as the pouch and carrier people would have you believe.  Bad news! You lack something suitable to place in the carrier.  Freak suggests that a rain boot (an Oregon necessity) is about the size of a newborn.   Practical, especially wrapped in a swaddling blanket (free is so wonderful, I love my friends), but it lacks the cuteness appeal.  My stuffed duck and elephant work admirably, but they are more like toddler sized.  Their large fluffy heads kept getting in the way of serious sling practice. 

That and Freak, who has decided that he is a definete sling dude, as opposed to a Moby Wrap dude (also Cheap!Cheap!) kept wrenching poor Hortense the Duck out by her neck and beating her large fluffy head into submission. And I kept collapsing in fits of giggles. Not exactly proper parenting practice. 

Enter the sleeping cats, all cuddled up, unsuspecting the nature of my thoughts.  If you plan to try this at home, a sleeping cat is a non-negotiable element. Later in the evening, I was all set to repeat this with the Moby Wrap, for more photo shoot fun, but they ran at warp speed. Sleeping though, you can sneak up on them.  Have the pouch ready to go, and lower in all four feet together. This part is also non-negotiable as leaving two free feet, even for a second, will leave you very sorry. 

So, all four paws are in. Now, tighten the sling immediately to prevent fast escape, THEN adjust the cast into a more comfortable, truly, hands-free position.  Now, is when you want to make a mad dash for the camera phone. No time to primp.  No time to pose. The cat may escape in 45 seconds. Or he may stick around for 45 minutes and fall asleep. This is only if you have a weirdo cat like Mingy.  Per cat mileage may vary--Mungy merely looked at the sling and went into convulsions. 

Lots of other funny cat-sling-pictures on flickr--click the link. Also, dare to admire my 15 + week belly.  Ignore the awesomeness of my expanding rack.

A pound of flesh

Step One: Admit that you have (prior to the Christmas miracle) gained an assload of weight. Or more precisely, an ass.  And a half. Give this weight gain over to your higher power.
Step Two: Buy a few new things to cope with broken foot in October--pants for PT and PJ's.
Step Three: Seek Reconciliation between PT wardrobe and work wardrobe. Fail Miserablely.
Step Four: Spend first two weeks of new job hiding behind coat.  Plead with higher power to magically shed poundage.
Step Five: Higher power answers in the form of two little lines.
Step Six: Accept that poundage may not be going anywhere before September. Lose two pounds due to new vegetable addiction. 
Step Seven: Revoke acceptance when trying on clothes. 
Step Eight: Realize that going naked to work is not, in fact, a viable option
Step Nine: Buy a few very stretchy pairs of dress paints for cheap cheap cheap. Still hate the size.
Step Ten:  Soothe your soul at Old Navy's clearance rack. Buy your first two pairs of M* pants. Hide them under the seat for the drive home. Immediately remove tags. Hold with tongs when looking at them.

Only Step that really matters: Keep hope alive. And look good doing it. 

(And for my fellow bargain seekers: Total Spent: $40. Total saved: $230 dollars. 4 pairs of pants (all dress), two very nice tunic topics, and a bra.)

Last Minute Gift Ideas

If you're looking for some last minute gift ideas, I've got the mother of all Christmas book reviews up at our chapter blog, with links to amazon for my favorite picks. 

If your order falls short for super-saver shipping, why not consider adding a children's book or two to your order and donating it later to your local literacy program/shelter/favorite charity? 

If like me, you're short of holiday cash, cull your shelves for unread/new looking books. Books are always great gifts! 

If you see us coming . . .

Clanna and I should never be unleashed on the average retail environment at the same time. Clanna arrived on Tuesday.  Having my mom here feels strangely natural, like she's both always and never been here at the same time.  It's also like traveling back in time at light speed to our marathon Wal-mart sprees growing up, to the endless bargain chase we pick up and resume from store to store, year to year.  Being house-bound for the last week, being out in the world again felt slightly overwhelming.  I crashed out at TJ Maxx, scoring only a new collection of brightly colored socks to accent the cast of doom.

Today, though we hit our stride.  We tackled Target like a pair of sniper shooters. We were prepared, we ate beforehand, we made our list, and we were armed with $50 gift card to burn.  Our scores included:

Fabulous Ginormous Striped Towel (destined for craft project): 6 dollars (was $15)
Middle Eastern Inspired PJs to accomodate cast of doom: 12 dollars (Was $25)
Planner for Time Challenged Brother: 2 dollars (was  $7)
Bronze Reading Lamp for my Residency on the couch: 22 dollars (was $90!!!!!!!)
Bones for best doggie in the world: $4 (was $8)
Big cushy socks $5 for 4 pairs (was $9)
Doormat $4 (was $12)
Travel mug $4 (was $9)

The best part though was once we graduated from small teeny hand basket (riding on my lap) to regular cart. Clanna had the brilliant idea that I could rest my legs on the cart, and steer from the chair while she pushed me, saving my arms. We were this train of overflowing cart, wheelchair, and two manic, bargain driven women, narrowly missing small children and bewildered shoppers. The cashier had to contain her laughter at our arrival as we sorted out our purchases.

But, hey, we spaved more than we spent! It was a good day. 

Return of the Bargain Queen

The bargain queen has been in hibernation lately, as we try to get the grocery budget under four figures, and as I funnel all additional resources towards yarn and knitting related obsessions.

But, Saturday, Freak and I hit the road.  It was a pretty good day.  I'd like to say it was magical and idyllic, but I'm still struggling and the day was like a kiddie roller-coaster at the fair rather than the loop-de-loop at Six Flags which was a hug improvement.  So, the bargain queen accepted that she was not at 100%, and she and her king headed off for the Rose and Ram LYS in Independence, Oregon (all stores mentioned are in historic downtown in Independence).  Highlights include: Bookstore, Elk's Sale, and Cheap linens, all below the fold for fellow bargain queens. 

The Reluctant Yuppie

Saturday Night Freak and I watched Hotel Rwanda. Few movies have ever moved me more or made me feel so utterly helpless. Not to mention ashamed beyond belief at my status as a white, American female. For me, some of the most haunting images were those of the orphans, their little faces pressed together, holding hands, their gangly limbs betraying their vulnerability. I often make light of my unending desire to have a “United Nations Family” (Angelina, wench, I had the idea first. Mine. Mine. Mine. Oh, and P.S. please send me Brad Pitt too.). But, this movie unearthed emotions much more powerful than just “oh, wouldn’t it be cool.”

Why DINK's should not be allowed out on Weekends . . .

Freak and I should not be trusted to make rational decisions on weekends. It’s that simple really. All of our pets were acquired on a weekend. Most, if not all, of our biggest fights have happened on a weekend. We have come perilously close to buying houses we could not afford in sketchy neighborhoods in distant cities on weekends. Dubious items of furniture and garage-sale refugees have joined our household on weekends. Many, many ill-advised meals have been eaten on weekends. And this weekend, we came within FEET of buying an RV.

I'm in Love

I fell in love with a BANG! yesterday afternoon.  The kind of love that leaves you slack-jawed and mumbling incoherently and unable to see anything other than the object of your affection.   

The Internet can rest easily, as my new love is neither another pet, nor is it Raul my sexy-but-imaginary boyfriend.   It is this fine specimen of speed and mega pixels, this sexy little black package of hot potential and quick responsiveness.   Minolta Dimage Z3,  my one true love, until Mr. SLR comes to steal my heart away (and brings a way to pay for his love with him). 

Of course, Wavybrains the bargain hunter, got a much better deal than what Amazon and other retailers are selling this camera for.   I've spent the last . . . oh, TWO YEARS salivating for a new camera, more mega pixels, better color, better anti-shake technology, but being the good little Luddite that I am, I resolved to wait until Freak's camera (the Cannon S-40 2 mega pixel) bit the dust. 

Luckily, Tragically, somewhere between the Fourth of July and Reno, Freak's camera died a slow, drawn-out death that culminated in a $160 repair estimate for the mere possibility of turning on again.  I swear that I never MEANT to hurl it from a moving carousel (It is all Freak's fault, of course), that my dog didn't intentionally bury the camera in the sand, and that all those minor falls and abuses had NOTHING to do with the camera's demise.   

Freak was in no big hurry to rush out and drop a grand on the object of my obsession--the Nikon D70, oh how I want you, Baby.  But, then I had an epiphany where in I realized that if I settled for Mr. Quite-Tasty-but-not-a-D70, I could actually finance a new camera MYSELF.  With money earned from the articles I sold last month.   I actually PAID for a MAJOR INVESTMENT (ok, ok, ok, TOY) with money earned from writing.  How cool is that? 

Freak financed the two-year extended warranty.  Because, you know, in our safe household, there is absolutely no chance of a puppy eating it, it tumbling from a hammock, free-falling into a tub, or being consumed by that pesky plague of locusts.   Oh, and the coolest part, seeing as a I am remedial nerd who needs much help in operating the objects of her techie lust--I get 18 free photography classes.   Expect more pictures.   LOTS more pictures.  I will probably bore you all with pictures instead of just threatening them all the time.   

The only thing I possibly love more than this camera (which did NOT sleep next to me all night . . . ) is my local camera shop.   I heart small businesses.