PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT
PLEASE POST
Recently, fashion police have noted an alarming trend. It seems a notorious gang of fashion criminals, known widely as “The 80's” have resurfaced and are wrecking havoc on the lives of many innocent Americans. Citizens need to be uber-vigilant against these nefarious criminals as they can be found in beauty magazines, discount stores, high end emporium, and salons alike. For most of the late 90s and early part of this century, the 80's could only be found at remote and isolated locations, South Dakota, Line Dancing Bars, Trailer Parks, the Goodwill, occasionally at a Mormon or Baptist church gathering, and at certain discount store chains. But they were by and large hidden by a sea of black clothing and straight hair, masking their re-infiltration into everyday society.
The 80's re-emergence can no longer be ignored. Just last night, an innocent Salem, Oregon woman went to her local Fred Meyer and was assaulted by displays of leg warmers, hair crimpers, fishnet stockings, large plastic earrings, and polo shirts. This is becoming near epidemic. Fashion magazines are showcasing unflattering hairstyles all prominently featuring bangs. Shoulder pads are gradually creeping back into women’s suits. Rhinestones and glitter are being used to excess again.
Horrors, of horror, mullets are becoming more common outside of North & South Dakota and the deep south. Make-up shades have been inching more towards neon for the last few seasons, and now one no longer has to look hard to find instances of blue eyeshadow, racoon eyes, and sticky lips.
Those who were children last time the 80s wrecked havoc on American culture are particularly at risk for succumbing to the 80s sinister allure. They are drawn in by the kitsch and nostalgia of My Little Pony and Strawberry Shortcake motifs. They start small, a Carebear’s tee shirt here, an ID bracelet there, but before you know it, they are developing a unhealthy fondness for mixing floral prints, and driving a Hello Kitty Ferrari.
Those children who are now parents themselves are especially targeted by The 80's. Nostalgic toys and board games were all the range this past holiday season, and unfortunately, parents fell hook, line, and sinker for the intense pressure to abuse Nostalgia. Board games and cabbage patch dolls are fine toys, but for the love of all that is decent, don’t subject your child to Rubbix cubes and the annoying electronic game Simon. Crimping your child’s hair and dressing him or her in Polo Shirts and V-neck sweaters is NEVER acceptable parenting practices.
Here are some steps you can take to protect yourself and your loved one from the return of the 80s:
