I've been reading several books/blogs about motherhood & writing lately (trying like heck to get back into a good rhythm) and they all say the same thing: Give up sleep to write. Over, and over, I see mothers admitting (or even bragging) that they get 5 hours of sleep (TOTAL, and not just on bad nights). They spend 12 hours (or more) as a mother, then 5 hours (or more) cleaning & writing.
At the same time, this week several new studies show the negative health effects from lack of sleep. And while these studies bolster my pro-sleep stance, they don't relieve the feelings of jealousy and inadequacy.
I need sleep. I need downtime. I crave sleep. I enjoy sleep. I can't give up sleep.
Perhaps that dooms me as a writer/mother, but I do know that it makes me a better mother. My worst depressive episodes can all be traced to a lack of sleep. When I am constantly in motion, I dance ever closer to the edge of that dark pit, and I'll do whatever it takes to avoid falling in. So I take naps with her or read while she naps next to me. I go to bed within an hour or two at the most of when she does. I wake up when she does.
But, I've now gone a YEAR without a major depressive episode. A year. I can't remember a year without a slump. And yes, a big part of it IS medication. Via la pharmaceuticals. But, it's also lifestyle changes, and sticking to the plan I came up before Tavy came.
I'm happier than I've ever been, but I still feel like I'm just being lazy or selfish. I tell myself, "If you really wanted to write more, you would find ways to cut back on sleep." But, I know I'm not going to do that. Being healthy right now is more important than a clean house, more important than a finished WIP, more important than staying up doing anything.
So I write in bed, on yellow legal pads. I daydream in scenes and plot twists. Titles come and go like fireflies blinking on and off. And I read like crazy when I'm nursing. I try to think like a writer, even though, apparently, I'm not sleeping like one.
Do you voluntarily give up sleep to do something else?